Thank you both, I know that I am a Bit hard on myself, But that is the nature of my job, many still believe that asking or needing help is a sign of weakness, and an indication that you are not fit for your job.

Anthony you are probably right that this is a deep seated problem and that finally triggered by the incident. As for the dreams they vary from very vivid replaying of that night to previous calls that I have done, some of the most alarming dreams seem to have nothing to do with past events but are more related to horrible, tragic and fatal incidents to my friends and family. As for the dreams/ flashbacks now there is sound I hear and see the incidents and for some I know focus somewhat more on the survivors, and its more like I am looking down on the incidents, seeing both me and my actions and others.

One of the worst things of all of this is I also have a Chronic immune-suppressant disease that has been in remission for years and is now beginning to rear its ugly head again. When it rains it pours.