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Originally Posted by Kerrie-Ann  Batgirl,
Yep that's the man. I suggest that you don't read the book at all or for a very long time. Your healing is more important than dealing with ghosts. As I said I started to read it but it saddened and distressed me all at once. You are in a bit of hard place because you have life experience as a result of decisions that were never really made by you or your father. I was going to say that he chose the end result but I wonder did it really choose him? He deserved more support than he was obviously given and you now deserve the chance to heal. Its not about your Dad anymore, its about you. |
Yeah that's good advice. I've done some exposure therapy, but it's all been very minor, harmless things, such as what I had for dinner the night of the shooting, TV shows that remind me of my dad, etc. The psychiatrist who initially assessed me said it would be very difficult and probably undesirable for me to ever do any exposure therapy relating to guns, wars or other violent events. Still, it would be nice to get to a point where I could somewhat handle those things... as it is, I can't watch television for fear of violence coming on in some form. I listen to the news over the radio or read newspapers, and rent movies only when I am certain they aren't going to trigger me. I'd like to avoid less.
I understand what you mean about my dad. He was a good person. If he had been evil and a bad father my whole life, I think hating him would be a lot easier. As things are, it's complicated. He was sick, obviously, and suffering. I feel bad for him about that. But I'm angry at him for what he did. And it's SO final. Like I can't ever confront him about it or anything.
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being different to everyone else. What's 'normal' anyway? Perhaps once you give yourself some time to heal, you will understand that not everyone is going to judge you by circumstances which were not your fault. Hopefully with the help of this community and the benefit of other experiences you can begin to heal and then form the some friendships to help ease your burden. Take care of you.
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Yeah I guess there isn't a "normal" person... and normal can be pretty boring. My best friend says she really likes me
because I am different... I do worry though about what people think. Mostly that they will think I might go "postal" some day, just like my father, with no warning. And of course it's not my fault, but I do feel ashamed of what happened to my family. I guess that's something I have to work on.