Wow thanks again everyone for contributing to this thread. I have enjoyed reading the posts and feel relieved that I relate to so much of what's being said.

Boo-Damphir, I loved your explanation of problems with emotions, and I agree with you about the external stimuli. Most of the time I hate loud noises. Also things happening really fast... like flashing lights or fast images on TV, or fast traffic, bother me on occasion. Fireworks are especially bad for me, because they are bright and loud. On holidays I tend to hide in my room...

Nam, I feel the same way, I think people get emotional about silly things. I guess though that it doesn't take as much energy for them as it does for me. I envy and dislike people for that. And I also don't like to cry or be angry in front of others. It terrifies me. I feel like I have to be in control, especially when others are around. If not, either they will hate me, or maybe I will "lose it" like my dad did. Sometimes I feel afraid of that, too.

IraqVet, I'm not a veteran, but I relate on some levels to what you said. I'm not sure if it's because my dad was in the military or because of my own PTSD... but anyways what you wrote makes a lot of sense to me, especially the words, I almost feel like I have that right - to feel like their problems are nothing, is a really good way of describing how I often feel.

Anthony, thanks again for sharing about the military. You've touched on more points I never even thought of, like being trained not to feel anything. My father talked about some aspects of his work, but not all. So it's good to be able to fill in some blank spaces. Also I never really thought of PTSD thinking as being black and white, but it's a really good analogy. Just one more thing to work on, I guess! Sigh.