The last few days have been really weird for me. Normally I enjoy gaming, going for walks, drawing, and going to the gym to work out, because all these activities seem to help me relax and think. However, lately when I'm supposed to be relaxing, instead I'm thinking about all these past things that happened to me prior to the trauma with my family, and they are upsetting me almost as much as the trauma itself. For example, I remembered this teacher I had in highschool who told me I wasn't smart enough to attend university. It felt like I was right back there, being hurt and humiliated all over again. I'm remembering bad things I did too, like stealing a chocolate bar from the store when I was a little kid, and feeling guilty and ashamed about it all over again. A whole bunch of these old memories just keep popping up, and they all feel like they just happened.

My trauma anniversary is in January, so I always try to prepare for that... but this is November only. Although, it was just my birthday a month ago and my brother's birthday was last week, and my natural mother, who died when I was 7, her birthday is in 2 weeks. Would birthdays be causing this? Anyways it sucks.