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And this is harder than I thought it would be. And I have the feeling that it's going to get worse before it gets better and that really scares the hell out of me.
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Marlene, it may get worse, but it also will get better as you stated. Try not to focus too much on the worse part. I feel as if you are on the cusp of beginning the truly hard part of the journey. You can do it. When you are ready, commit to healing yourself. The only way out is through it.