im currently a vaguely respectable member of society,doing fairly well, gotme act together and studying at university to be a proffessional archaeologist.

the past is something that haunts me on cold lonely nights, a phrase stuck in my mind somewhere which saw me through, survive to fight, probably got it from some bs poster.

i became a raving drunk, then a stoned drunk, then a homeless stoned drunk who managed to steal insult lie and cheat my way through money like a hot knife through butter, the greatest regret i have is my old mother dieing while i was like that, to drink i would scour the clubs after they shut for bottles, i would do most things for money or beer, i went into the gutter and further to survive was my thought, survival means doing a lot of unpleasent things, destroyed my self my mind my body my morals, i didnt fear walking down dark alleys. i was the thing people feared, beyond the fringe of the world into a spiralling black abyss, took thought time and contemplation to pull myself out and set myself straight,i did many things which haunt me, many things which were wrong. the thing which i think is most outstanding in my mind, i did not value myself or others, no self respect no control no thought, i can think of only the things i did not do i did not rape or murder, i did not beat people for no reason, i did a lot of other things which haunt me still. seeing the fear in someones eyes, that haunts me. feeling the degrading of myself, they are things that i regret.

now i talk with people and give advice, they ask me how i can give advice, because i have been there .this is a tough thread to post on. sorry if i sound too ? , my past is past, and i dont have that life anymore, it is dead to me now,like a nightmare remembered with a shudder. but haunts me as i know it was me somewhere.