I woke up this AM to hubs saying it is 7:30... Me freaking and saying shit did you have to take kids to school, thought I had a memory lapse or did not wake. "No, it is Saturday and I have to work"... OK, so wrong memory lapse. He isn't even in school for a week for the holidays and my other son left yesterday for grandparents.

Such a very sore throat and mouth, allergies I guess. Brain is about to take a really big vacation, can feel it coming. Can't think very straight at all at the point of this posting, can feel the decline.

Guess it is the meds, ended up cutting off 1 mg instead of .5 and that cut my dose in half. Hell, better off to get it over with if I don't get too sick. Also, most of my birds left tonight. Hubs brought in my pet hen and he came and asked am I sure that is all. Umm we are moving to an apartment or in a town. Like I can pull off more than one "underground hen"? I did tell him I sure would like to keep one of my silkies and Pearl could use company... but it was totally up to him. I have 2 hens now that will be "underground". I guess he could see it was tearing me up. He brought in a very pretty white silkie and said how about this one (I could tell the woman who was here chose her as it looked like on of my best), so I held them both all teary eyed. I know silly over a chicken but that is me. Something I am good at and now just trying to hang on to a couple not grasping at the breeding programs... Shit how does it go "going to lose the farm"? I lost it, thank you PTSD and the people who put me here...

They could not take all they were supposed to as the carriers and truck were filled. I am guessing my farm will be pretty much barren in the next couple days. I could not even go outside. I was embarrassed how I looked (no make up in jammies) and felt and knew I would just break down seeing so much work just hauled off in a truck. I am friendly with this person and they know I have a "problem", they just do not know what... I have not said. And I hope I did not appear to be an ass not going outside and not letting anyone in. Hubs told her I was crying and did not want to come out to lose it... I would not get on the phone or see her at all.

My hens sat in my lap while they loaded up and just curled up. I am happy hubs is letting me sneak off with an extra hen. It is just the little mini ranch is a big part of my life and walking away is so damn hard.

But seeing hubs give me an extra hen made me see why I love him so... He gets me and what means something to me. I am lucky even if he gets under my skin like the devil sometimes.

LMAO they even have these things called chicken diapers... I have known of them but I am apparently not the only nut who has a house chicken as a pet and they are supposed to work well. Will be getting some, they are reusable. Now long as I don't dress them no padded rooms right? We can say free range carpet chickens in diapers is not crazy if we try... OK, fine I am a nut. I am a red neck and will move some of the farm indoors if I can pull it off.

Goodness I do not feel well, but I know it is right on schedule for the withdrawals, I have been through so many coming off this one drug as I step down. I just can look at it as I am almost there, I can do this even if my mind takes a little break. Poor son has to deal with me come Monday and take care of the baby, hubs last day is Monday and then they head to Kansas to let me go through withdrawals alone.