I have a very tough time sharing the events of my past as for the most part I think that they are often things that the ordinary person shouldn't have to see, hear or witness, sometimes due to confidentiality and sometimes its due to pending court cases. But for the most part the, big one is, that I do not want to burden others with the stuff that I have seen or been involved in.

I am struggling right now to not deal with my problems and sometimes I find my self turning to booze but for a short time I can forget my issues.--I realize as Anthony said that I am really dealing with one problem by adding another. I know better but yet still....

I wish that I could figure a way to keep the past in the past but still everyday something new comes to the front of my brain. Really thats a bit dramatic but it seems that all of a sudden there are more incidents that bring trauma to me than I originally thought or realized.

I have read someone else say that there are whole big patches of an event that they do not remember, and that their Doc. thinks that is for the best right now. I agree but my issue is that I remember everything vividly of the event but can remember very little of my role in this event which was a primary role. Questions are asked and I don't have the answers, maybe someday I will remember and yes I might crash because of it but I have to know, I have to know if I did all I could, if I said the right things, if I made it better and easier. I don't know how I will get my answers, but I will.