I'm Terry, as I posted in the intro. At 18 I became an EMT working on an ambulance in Memphis (dangerous city), then an EMS dispatcher, on to The Trauma Center, EMA disaster specialist then the present 16 yrs Cop. About 10 or 11 years ago I had a flaskback. I never thought they could be that real this one put me back on the scene of a propane tanker truck that crashed and exploded on Dec.24, 1989. Killed 9 or 10 people eventually. Most of them were wlking around (I guess I shouldn't go into too much detail). During the flash back I was back there could see, hear and smell things just like when it happened. Over the years I've just seen too much stuff that I've always described just like someone on this forum did. "Things nobody should ever have to see". Just too many times. I can't count the bodies anymore there's just too many. Too many kids walking around in the street or pushed out the front door because something criminal was going on inside at 3 or 4 am. It's just such a waste of humanity and how anbody could view any of this shit as normal or just say something like oh well thats has things are in the hood. Every ****ing holiday that I can remember as an adult I've been looking at a dead body. I saw over 300 at the Trauma Center alone. I just stopped counting because they don't stop coming. You play too long in the sewer and you feel like shit the rest of your life. I don't even know if this makes any sense at all because I havn't been able to look at the screne. Want to sleep but that ain't happening. But I am going to the Doc. once a week for therapy and the shrink once a month. Got my wife who understands thank god and now I got you folks.