Josh, I even felt that way when I was on duty. Some days I got so bad me and my partner who would be in another squad car would go as far out in our ward and just sit it out. He's got PTSD pretty bad too. You just deal with it as much as you can. When I get scared though my training and experience make me fight and my worst fear is hurting someone if I'm out of control. I'm trying to teach myself to just freeze and do my own threat assesment.