Your now honestly treading on thin ice here Jen, and I say that because in one breathe you want him to get better, but the other you don't want to leave the past in the past. This is a normal problem with relationships that are beginning to progress from PTSD. The sufferer has abused the spouse so much emotionally, that when they do get on top of their shit, the spouse then rejects their efforts because the remorse kicks in, the spite for all the bad and so forth. What happens? From our own experience, and that of others discussed, we the sufferers say screw it, and we go back to our original habits, instead of progressing forward.

It took kerrie some time in order to learn, let go and live in the now, not in the past, if she wanted me to get better. If she didn't want me to get better, then it was easy enough for me to sit back in the way I was, instead of trying to become that better person.

A spouse can hold a sufferer back because of spite from the past, and that is an issue that the spouse must be counselled over uniquely, because coming forward for the sufferer, means the spouse must leave behind the past, forgive and move on. If they don't, then they can't have the spouse they have been fighting for for so long. Its a double edged sword, believe me. You want him to get better, to be better towards you, be a better husband, a better man, but doing so means that as he does move forward, you must embrace it, acknowledge it, and not use the past against him.

As a spouse, you must make a decision. You either want the improved version with PTSD in control, or you want to leave things as they are. Spouses become so used to the way things are, when a sufferer does want too / is ready to move forward, the spouse drags them back by bringing up the past.

I apologised to kerrie for being the way I was with PTSD in control, but that wasn't good enough, and she lived in the past when I was ready to move forward, so hence I stayed put for some time, until she finally realized that for me to move forward, she must also, and both leave the past as the past, learn from it, but enjoy the what the new future brings with PTSD under a bit more control.

Holding hands and so forth Jen, is not only a way for him to say sorry, but it helps him know you support his move forward. Both must move forward at once for the relationship to get better... it is that simple.