Dazed,
I'm so sorry that your worst fears were realized. Having been there myself, I know what you'd like to do to him :gunem-dow. That may be your fantasy, too. Just remember that it's rooted in the anger you naturally feel. (My psychologist says that it's okay to have your fantasies, as long as you don't ACT on them!!) But "What goes around, comes around." It may take a while; but it always does.
It sounds like you & your son have settled into your own routine. His X-mas wish is probably quite natural for his age. How you choose to celebrate X-mas is up to you.
I'm so happy that you told the creep to quit coming round (until you have drafted a legal arrangement sanctioned by The Court).
About the rest: please don't waste your time on gossip or heresay-- it will only hurt you in the end.
You will be in my thoughts. Best of luck-- remember: You are strong! tig