last night I didn't want to say anything ,,, LOL this morn I got stuff
to do ,, ya right ,, not that important ,,,
I found someone ,, thanks Marline ,,
so this morn I went to a meeting AA , it was ok,, then checked here ,
It got better ,,,
Thanks Jet ,,, doning what I did , did hurt and was so draining ,
But in the end I had the meltdown and it had good results ,, I guess I had to feel all that pain in order to start the healing ,, I wish there was an easier way , but I did what I thought I had to ,, carzy as it was ,, I didn't feel like a hero or martyr ,, I just felt from the heart and talked from the heart , but at least I could feel , and the recipeants responded for the most
part from the heart ,,
I understand the black part or hating oneself and wanting to die ,,
thats why I had to get sober an do what I did ,, the more I gave it away the more I got back ,,, people tried to help , but like you said , every once in a while you would meet a rare indivigual that would give you Hope or friendship or just what you needed that day to carry on ,, some where in that tangled mess , yes , I found Self ,, after 9+1/2 years I forgave me,
God healed a part of my heart an soul ,, during my meltdown If I was any were but at an AA meeting ,I would have bin put in a rubber room strapped down and shot in the ass with sedatives, :sleeping:
I live in the contry and still feel my best in the woods ,, with or without others around ,, Hell I tought survival in the Army and grew up in the woods ,,, still like skinny dippin :crazy-blu
last night was one of those times when you meet the right person ,, even if it was just for that moment it worked ,, I got out of my head and shared with another person like me ,,
thanks