I went back through my books tonight. Read and compared how I felt at one point until now. I recognize I still have a long way to go, I am not done.

But the weird thing is as I have a lot to sort still, but I think so much more is simply acceptance, which I am getting better at. I still have some flaws to fix in my thinking but overall I see I am not a failure. I am not beating myself up about having to need help and accept help. I recognize PTSD symptoms for what they are. I am losing the feeling of being a failure for having to move. I don't see my self as a screw up. I am not blaming myself for having symptoms and accepting them for what they are and understanding why they are there.

It hurt to be who I am but this is me and I have PTSD. I accept me even if it is not what could have been, I am seeing areas I can excel if I take the leap. Before I was too scared to even think that on a serious level, that I would always be holed up and a drain on hubs. I am accepting my scars and pain and how to work with them. I am seeing ways to use them, exploit them if you will.

I am finding confidence unknown. I am healing... I am learning and accepting healing does not mean pain is gone, symptoms are not gone. They are less but not gone. And will be here for a long time/forever. But this does not make me less than any other person. It just means I have a condition I need to work with.

When I compared notes on how I see myself I see I am truly healing. The symptoms are hard when there but I can see where it came from and I get it. And I am most of all OK with it for the most part of this being me. I am not done, but damn I am on my way!

Just feels so good to feel changes and see them. I saw most in my notes I am leaning more to survivor now, and not victim. I feel good about this even with my insomnia kicking... It is just a symptom, I am stressed moving, who would not be awake all night with PTSD when they are moving cross country to a home unseen? Normal :) I am a normal person with PTSD.

Would not be here with every last one of you, thank you all for helping me, I hope to pass it on.