Wow I know that feeling Marline ,,

I wish I could tell you when it will get better ,, but I can only tell you what happen to me ,, that might not be to helpful tho so what i will say is this ,,
I shared my story with school kid , woman in transistion , Troubled kid or kids in the system , convicts , peiple in AA over and over and over again ,, It did get draing every time I did it , but most of the time , almost every time , I would get a responce that would be rewording , and I got it off my chest ,, I went ot one prison every month for 3yrs , and one day 12 con got to go to an AA meeting I was at ,, every one of them came up and surrounded me , they all shock my hand or patted me on the back and hey Phil good to see ya , how are you and your kid , are you healthy , thanks for what you did for us ,,, I didn't see them do that to any one else in the hall , and there were plenty others that went to jail with AA in the hall ,,, I talk for the heart and speak the truth ,,, it will get bettter one day if you keep doing what you are doing ,, if you hang on and keep moving forward ,, but no one can say when,,
One day I screamed up at god ,, { could you PLEASE LIGHTEN UP JUST A LITTLE F*CKIN BIT } , I woke up the next day and felt a lot better ,,, I told you how yesturday was ruff ,, and I yelled at a guy it never goes away , he shared his stuff and I calmed down ,, you see he understoud the same paim ,, I had a better day after that ,,
some times I feel the same about life , ,, somtimes it just sucks ,, but for one reason or another I go on ,,, O never took the meds for the head and at differant times some thought it highly recomended I be on somthin ,,, but that is the way I thought I had to do it ,,, that is not what I think you should do ,, I'm not a Doc and I don't know ,, You will find a life again , there is an end to every begining ,, there is light at the end of the tunnel , even if you can't see it YET
so yes it gets better , just not when you want it ,, I happens when it happens and not one minute sooner ,,,

I pray it will come sooner for you than me ,,