Ranger,

The first two lines of your post are pretty much me in a nut shell (no pun intended!).

Right when my symptoms were kicking into high gear in July, my oldest daughter (18) decided to stay out all night. I mean all night...it was 5am when her then boyfriend drove her home. I was up all night worried. Visions of her in a ditch, hospital, any and everything bad were going through my head. My husband woke up at 3am to find me up and wanted to know why I was up and I told him our daughter wasn't home yet. So I got a worry buddy for a couple of hours. When she did get home I was so angry I had to go inside the house (we were sitting on the front porch) or stand in the middle of the street ripping both of them up and waking the neighbors. Hubby did the ripping on her...quietly.

I think that your step daughter just doesn't understand the extent of how you worry. It took me and my husband pounding it into her head that if she doesn't call, 'Mom freaks out'. Now she calls. But she's also told me she feels like we're trying to control her and find out where and who she's with, etc. I told her I don't care where or who she's with (as long as she's safe) and that a phone call is common courtesy. Maybe your step daughter thinks that by having to check in, you're treating her like a kid instead of an adult. And I know when they're in that late teen/early 20's age, God forbid you insult them by even possibly hinting that they're not 'real' adults. Even if they're acting like two year olds when they're demanding their adult rights!

Have you ever thought about writing her a note/letter explaining why you feel the way you do and how her not calling affects you so badly? That way, you're not 'in her face' and she has time to sit and read it and think and doesn't have to feel defensive. Just a thought. When emotions get tough between me and my oldest daughter, we write notes to each other.

Adding my hugs and I hope things get better.