My relationship with my Mom is not a bad one, it is just...just. I think she feels really bad for me and just lets me do my own thing. She supports me at least. I just cant bring myself to talk around people. I am almost a mute in a way. I am just very very shy now. I dont know why. Maybe it is because I am always sleepy and exhausted. I cant go to sleep because I will have really bad nightmares.

Right before the falling out with my friend and after I told him about it, he supported me in a way. He promised he didnt want me to be alone in all of this. I guess he was just telling me what I wanted to hear at the time because immediately after he was just hurting me more. Now I feel as if I cant never tell anyone because then everyone I know will go away in the end. I dont think he knows how much he hurt me. He probably wouldnt even recognize me. Maybe it is weird to obsess over one friend, but it hurts when the only person that knows about it abandons you.