My day started well, but is ending pretty shit really. Reality hit me hard tonight while I was minding my own business getting wet while walking the dog. Having an agreement which means I won't be back working full-time until next year has made this whole thing damn scary. I was told the other day that I'm not taking things seriously enough. I know my usual way of dealing with it all is the denial thing, but hey, I'm really struggling to handle it when I actually do the reality check thing. Feeling pretty despairing right now.

Also had a huge trigger (like being stuck in a room with management today wasn't enough!). My 13 year old neice is refusing to go to school because of some bullies. She got jumped and they smashed her mobile phone and keep picking on her. The school have done nothing. She is the daughter of my crazy brother. He has never had any parental responsibility of any significance. Now he has an opportunity to help make her life better. What happens - he calls my mum. She calls me to ask what to do - I'm a teacher, so i should have all the answers.

I really want to help, but I'm not in a fit state and I can't handle seeing my brother right now, even for my neice. I have had to settle for sending some books for her and her mum on school bullying and how to deal with it. They are going express from amazon tomorrow. At least I'm doing something positive for them, but I'm feeling shit about it and everything else.

I'm done now. Hope tomorrow is better. Not looking forward to tonight.