Been plotless all day. Had to go put centerlink form in so I could get paid. Was anxious all morning. Was up at 7am, didn't calm enough to go till 1pm.

Had to go to Stockland (the biggest shopping center in Townsville) to grab something off of laybye for mum. Freaked out. Panic attack in the toilets. At least I only threw up once.

No I forgot the layby.

Get home, bro dearest starts being his usual lovely angry hurl abuse at Cass cos she'll take it self.
I ignored it for probably an hour.. When I did finally react I got (from mum) the lecture on 'Oh I don't know what your problem is'

I felt like :angry-fla :hit-boss: :up-yours:


I knew this fight had been brewing lately. Still, I was like WTF. All I want is for them to get that hey, guess what, Cass has some bloody bad days sometimes. Hey Guys, I can't always pretend like if f***** peachy. Sorry if I make life an issue for you too, sorry if I make you have to deal with the bad shit. I just don't care what you think about at the moment. I feel like I'm going through hell and the have no idea. It doesn't matter how much I yell scream rant or rage at them. It doesn't matter if I cry or talk to them reasonably, they just don't see it.

I am so tired of trying to get them to understand my PTSD. I am so sick to death of having it ignored, as if if they can't see it, if they don't admit it's there it isn't.

Are they that ashamed of me?