Thank you anthony for replying to me. The love the name anthony. I have told my husband if we ever have kids i want to name a boy anthony. We are Italian. Anthony is a good Italian name.

2 months ago when i started feeling weired again I was in Michigan visiting my in laws. I was pretty okay before we left. I was having panic attacks off and on but nothing i could not handle. And then the next morning after we arrived, i decided to have some coffee, which i never drink but love a lot. Caffeine makes my anxiety overload. I started to feel dizzy like i was going to pass out and got really sick to my stomach. Lucky for me i brought my Xanax and i had to take one. I do not like taking the xanax. Well i like how it makes me feel but i am so scared i will get addicted to it so i try had never to take it.

We were in Michigan for a week and everyday was horrible. The feelings i had were so much different from the last time. I was explaining the feeling to my counselor when we got back and i said it was like i was in a tunnel and i could hear everyone talking but could not remember what they were saying. All i could consentrate on was myself and how i felt like i was going crazy. It was the scariest feeling in the world. You feel all alone. I felt like i did when my power went out.

And i couldnt get that picture out of my head. Me walking around in the dark not knowing where i was going.

My counselor helped me learn how to get out of the tunnel and i can say now that i have not been in the tunnel for weeks.

My fear now is that i will go back in it. My anxiety and panic are different now to. I started having problems with my vision. It is hard to explain but it was like my eyes would not focus and they felt like they were going crossed. That scared my and i thought i had a brain tumor or something. But i just went to the eye doctor yesterday and i have 20/25 vision and my eyes are perfect. So that made me feel good and i know that the vision thing with the anxiety is only anxiety.

I had the hardest time also going to public places. It was like i was clostrafobic. I had to get out of there because i went into my tunnel and i know if i didnt get out of that situation fast it would get worse. So it was hard for me to do anything for a while.

Do you feel those things? My counselor says everything i am experiencing is normal. But then i think of my sisters and wonder why they dont feel like this. My oldest sister is my hero. She lost her dad and her best friend six months later. And she is the most patient, caring, sane person i know. And i think how did she do it. She was older than me when all that happend so i know she knew how to deal with it better. But i also know i have my dads personality and he couldnt handle things very well either.

My other sister on the other hand has never gotten over my dad and decided to be a meth addict. I do not talk to her.

Thank you again for responding. We all need all the support we can get. And to feel like there is someone out there that has these problems just like me. And i do not feel so alone.