I did talk to my counsellor yesterday. She knew I was feeling down, and kept asking about suicidal ideation, I finally told her the truth. She will call my doctor and talk to her about it, to see if I can get some meds to help me sleep and with anxiety over the holidays. Just seems to be so hopeless. I hate having to deal with PTSD all the time. And hate having to explain to friends/family why I react the way I do.