Hope, its about understanding that he forgave you, and all that awaits is for you to do the same of yourself. Our past is not a direct correlation to who we are today, in the sense that we are not that person we once where, but if we learn from our mistakes, then that means you have acknowledged already your mistakes, and thus learnt from them. If we do not experience, how do we learn? If we do not learn, then we only fail ourselves. You learnt hope... so a little self forgiveness is not that much to give yourself now... especially as he forgave you already.