When I was 18, I went to see a chiropractor with my mom. She recommended him and had said he did wonders for her back. She was in the waiting room while I went into the patient room. I was told to put on a gown, which I did. He came in and closed the door. He examined my back then told me he needed to see my ribs. He told me to drop the gown, which I did (I still had my pants on but nothing else.) He procedded to "examine" me. Basically he molested my top half. God, this is giving me an anxiety attack as I speak. My throat just tightened up , I'm dizzy, I feel like I'm gonna puke. I never said one word. Not once. I knew that something wasn't right. I felt very deeply ashamed. When I started to see my chiro now, He knew he couldn't come very close to me. It took him years to be able to work on me without me freaking out. He is still cautious. I told him what had happened. I found out, from my now chiro, that the first one had molested many girls. He was never charged but he was ran outta town. I guess I wasn't the only one. I have issues with the dentist, eye doctor.. all of them from that.. I don't like them getting close and have really bad anxiety when they do get close. Well, this came blurting outta my mouth to my freind this week. It just popped out. It was there, but I didn't even realize it.

Okay I just cut and pasted this.. but I wanted to get into the emotions thing.

I fear going to appointments. I have bad anxiety attacks everytime someone puts me on a bed or chair to examine me.. to the point that I avoid it.. I know it's unreasonable yet there it is.. I felt really stupid when it happened.. as if I should have somehow "known" that that was his intentions.. Of course, I can't mind read.. I had no idea what to expect from that type of appointment nevermind the doctor...

I'm not sure what this makes me feel... I know I'm very shy about my breasts.. I hide them as much as possible.. I don't like anyone touching them or oogling them.. It makes me feel that I'm being violated.. (flashbacks maybe?? hmm funny that just occured to me now) and that makes me uncomfortable.. I feel vunerable if that happens.. like china that will break..

I think I need help digging at this.. It doesn't hurt...

bec