Thank you anthony for your words .... you are right this site has let me extol feelings and hidden emotions of my own as well as my marriage problems. I have been very confused but the fog is clearing for me. I am getting stronger. My husband has been such a good man and his behaviour is so out of charachter. He has the capacity to "compartmentalize" and I know him better than anyone .... I am convinced he is drowning a trauma and he does have a few to choose from.... I know from this site I cant help or control or indeed demand he faces it he has to do that.

Time is the word and I am going forward ... this site has been literally a life saver to me. I would like to thank all that have taken time to reply to my "vents" . Ill never forget the relief I found when other spouses were suffering the same symptoms. I wasnt strong enough to recognise the problems but I am now and hpoefully will fair better as the future unfolds.
thanks again.