• As far as my response to the suggestion of an obstacle in my path, I think that I could feel unnerved, aggravated and even angry at the suggestion of an obstacle upon this journey, if this was anything more than a mental imagery process; Like life itself. Much of my present day anger is fueled by the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in my life, and I most often believe that they are put there because of other people unnecessarily creating them and having placed and continuing to place them before me.

Yet, having introduced an obstacle into this imagery I see a massive boulder, so smooth and without nitches of any sort to provide help, rather making it appear impossible, to climb over and get passed. This to me is symbolic of the insidiousness and depth of the pscyh. abuse I am traumatized with.

I also said that, surrounding the enormous boulder, it was dank in appearance and sensation. This to me reflects general resistance (both from within and without) and the relentlessness of all the negative forces which reinforce the obstacle, increasing the psychol. impact, ie. feelings of deep depression, hopelessness & helplessness, despair.

Perhaps, I see nothing beyond this obstacle because of my stuck and lodged, intense emotional fears of complete and utter abandonment, the impact of trauma upon me, and my most negative and sickening feelings of emptiness and fear of impotence and lifelessness which lie deeply buried within me, and in fact details the very way I felt, at under 5 yrs. old, and while be traumatized by my father. One particular trauma which comes to mind is my two sisters and I locked in between two doors next to our basement ball-ked. I had sat there in a tunnel of dirt, curled up in the fetal position and literally petrified stiff, while one sister fought off my fathers violent, sometimes cunning attempts to get beyond those doors, beat us to death, slice us and kill us.