Not knowing what is wrong is the worst part of any problem. Whether you are hearing a clunking noise under the hood of your car and it stops, or wondering why that recipe just didn't turn out right, any problem challenges to fix it.

Relationships are as stable as each individual person in them. After war, the honeymoon is over. Things have changed. Not knowing what has changed is frustrating and painful for everyone. People talk either among themselves or with close friends about problems, or silence makes its awkward presence known.

About 30% of veterans back from war or higher will have a painful, hidden, emotional homecoming after the parades, ribbons, and parties have faded from memory. Within the mind is something that will not be forgotten, the day by day struggle to survive on the battlefield. Training makes the difference between being alive or dying on a foreign land.

Yet coming home, it looks alien. It hasn't changed, take a look around. Our streets look the same, but friends and family are here, having waiting anxiously for their loved one to come home.

Tears of joy are shed and hope of resuming a happy, loving marriage is still there. You the veteran have changed. War has changed you.

When is that a problem? Family are walking around on egg shells, everyone is being very careful not to say or do anything that will upset you. A short fuse has been lit when things that were not upsetting before war, suddenly are.

The nights are long and torturous, sleep is very hard to come by, punctuated by nightmares and flashbacks of war. Some may turn to alcohol and drugs. Relationships are strained wondering if love is still there. The children are affected. Johnny may be having problems in school. Mary doesn't invite her girlfriends over to the house anymore. Mrs. Homemaker stays at home now, though she would like to go shopping with her hubby or go to a restaurant or party. He doesn't like to be around crowds (they were a dangerous place in Iraq), or buildings without windows (reminds him of bunkers), or hear fire sirens or loud noises (recalling the sounds of war). Smells, sounds, sights all are triggers to some unknown problem.

It is a problem when that person who used to function no longer is able to. Some will immerse themselves in work, if they can, to keep their minds off their emotions. Many a veteran becomes a truck driver, a solitary journeyman on lonely roads in an empty cab.

Yet, life feels empty. Where is the joy?

The most difficult part is admitting there is a problem and having the determination to do something about it.

Yet no one can be helped if they don't want to be.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a term to describe what may happen to anyone approximately one month after emotional trauma has occurred. It is a normal reaction to overwhelming stress. It doesn't mean anyone is crazy. it doesn't mean anyone is weak and can't handle it. How does anyone 'handle' fire? It burns everything in it's path and unless you are made of teflon instead of flesh and blood it will burn you. Stress CAN be overwhelming, to ANYONE. Even forged steel has a breaking point, a melting point. Steel isn't perfect. No one is perfect. I have hope and optimism coupled with a positive attitude that human resiliency is far stronger than a steel girder.

There is greater strength in knowing something is wrong and getting help and support than trying to handle it on your own. Police and military call for back up when additional help is needed. Thank God for timely communication.

Roerich