i tried to find her about 5 years ago. have a letter on file from her (anonymous with no identifying info) SAYING "if you ever wanted to find me i would be so happy to see you." BUT because of a law that was passed almost EXACTLY a year after i was born, my records are closed, meaning, they can't tell me ANYTHING about her. because she didn't check a consent box on the form. i would have to hire a private investigator or petition the courts to get open records. i gave up at that stage, very discouraged that it was such a fight.

i do know that she didn't know the parents that adopted me (i don't think) because i was adopted from a foster home.

also. thank you for sharing about your adoption, the word to me just sounds like a handicap to me. i have much anxiety over all of that in general, and i do think it compounds the ptsd. i would be interested to hear more about your experience with both adoption and ptsd. and how it has affected your life. i am learning about articulating all that is inside, and i don't really know how or what is what.