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You are trusting yet aware of problems in intimacy, and willing to put up with the discomfort of feeling depreciation, even wondering what is normal right now,
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that is a fantastic way to put it. it is relatively new, the whole "putting up with discomfort" and there are some days i just can't get there. like my whole pin ball analogy i posted on here somewhere. and yes. i am wondering what is normal. i have been living in a dream for almost my whole life, so wondering how to set REAL boundaries (how do you set limits when you have to force yourself to do EVERYTHING...i mean, how do you know when it's too much, when it takes extreme focus and determination to get in the f-ing SHOWER)
also, wondering what is normal in relationships, since i never had a nurturing ANYONE in my life, when i encounter people with these qualities, let's just say i am highly TRIGGERED and go into panic mode, hoping i say and do the right thing so they will want me. so ashamed of that.
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you are in denial regarding sexual intimacy
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was it really rape? did part of me want it? did i ask for it? could i have done more?
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You idealistically need honesty in support systems
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i don't understand what that means. i do have a hard time trusting people. longterm, or when i can't physcially see them.
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You keep your feelings inside, for innocence and normality you likely believe.
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yes. if i don't speak it, it's not true and i won't be judged or hurt again.