Hello Distraught,

You are really in a rock and a hard place at the moment. I am really sorry to hear about your wifes' trauma, I don't imagine that recovery (to the point where she can lead a 'normal' life) from that will be an easy road for her or for you. As Anthony has said, she is really in the grip of PTSD now having suppressed her feelings for so long. It is not a nice place for either of you.

I suggest that she is avoiding you because you are the closest to her, and therefore, there is an expectation that she will participate in the relationship on all levels, including emotionally. That is not an unusual expectation to have in a relationship and in fact would result in a rather healthy one. Other relationships for her will not require the same level of emotional intensity, thus requiring less effort and less anxiety for her.

Mate, I can't tell you what to do in this situation but having witnessed the PTSD 'going off the rails' first hand, I would be the first to cut access to credit. My husbands second trip to East Timor paid off his credit card from one of his 'going of the rails' binges. As hard as it is, she is an adult and responsible for her own behaviour, although she won't see that now. Being married is one thing, supporting them another but becoming financially unstable or worse still, bankrupt (through irresponsibility) is not part of any marriage contract. In fact I have a friend, who this happened to (her partner ended up in one of the Veteran hospitals) and she had to do exactly that, cut his credit. I remember her saying how bad it felt for her, as she was beginning to feel like his mother and not his wife. It was either that or lose her house and go under financially, after years of hard work.

If there is one thing that I have learnt myself, and from other partners is that you have to take care of you first. You have to be well to support them, as best you can, otherwise they will drag you on this rollercoaster journey. Only your wife can make things better for her.

Anyhow, whichever way you look at it, trauma is still trauma and PTSD is still PTSD. Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, talking will help and you can benefit from the support of others in a similar position.