Anthony & Kerrie-Anne,

Thanks for your replies, both of which touched upon central issues that we're going through. I ended up driving to see her yesterday and we were able to talk (she didn't want me to stay over or even to hold my hand...). What you said, Kerrie-Anne, is exactly right:

"I suggest that she is avoiding you because you are the closest to her, and therefore, there is an expectation that she will participate in the relationship on all levels, including emotionally."

This is exactly what she told me... that it's emotionally too difficult to see me or even speak on the phone, because it brings her too much pain. It's so paradoxical to me; I would expect someone to want to run to the person who loves them, who can protect them but it's exactly the opposite. Understanding this "intellectually" helps, a little, but it's still very difficult emotionally, not only because I miss her (terribly) but to also know that she won't (can't) allow me to provide her with the comfort/protection i feel she most needs at this time, and which as her husband/partner I feel desperate to provide. I feel like I don't have a role in her recovery. It's really contradictory to understand...

She did ask me for money, which I didn't want to give but what am I supposed to do? Let her go without eating? Fortunately, she doesn't have any addictions (not even smoking), so I at least know she's not destroying her body in any way. And I'm investigating how I can remove her name from the lease of our house, to protect myself.

The "positive" side to this, however, is that she told me that she recognizes how deep in the hole she is, and she tells me that she wants to check herself into a clinic. I'll feel much better knowing she's actually immersed in intensive therapy, but the point here I guess is that she needs/wants to face this head-on. She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she asked herself if she wants to live or not and she decided that she does want to live, but that she wants to go through this without any contact with me, so that I'm not associated with the process. She wants to "start fresh" with me after confronting her demons. I don't know if that's possible or not, but I was conforted by hearing from her that she wants to live and reconstitute our marriage once she has faced down her trauma, though obviously it is something she/we will live with for our entire lives, in some form or another.

It's really hard for those of us who don't suffer PTSD directly, because I feel lonely/angry and yet guilty for feeling that way, and at the same time very concerned and yet helpless (and marginalized) in her recovery.