Hello All,
It's been a long time since my last post...October maybe? Missed you. Life got busy.....I guess we were on one of our many rollercoaster rides too. Things had been going pretty well since then until about 2 weeks ago. My son moved back with us and the change in our day to day lives has changed my husband's personality. Or should I say, bigger changes in our lives, good or bad, directly affect my husband's personality. Don't get me wrong, my son is a great kid and was welcomed back with open arms...or so I thought. There is so much stress in the house now. I think J (my husband) resents my son, my daughter too seems to be jealous. Not sure where it all comes from. Needless to say I'm stressed to the max. Did I mention we are still living in a 2 bdrm apt until our house is ready? There is no space...no room to breathe. My son feels the tension and is blaming himself. I see things spiraling out of control. J has turned quiet and very cold again. He says things to me that he knows cuts me deep. How can we be going good for so long and have something change our lives so quickly, so needlessly. I'm not sleeping, J is working nights and not sleeping much either. J purposely taunts my son. I'm always caught in between. I am empty and beaten. :drugs: Seriously, I feel like I just don't want to feel anything at all. Why can't happiness last for more than a few moments?
J will never seek any kind of help. He just says that he is who he is and I just have to deal with it. I'm nautious and so tired. The rollercoaster is killing me today. We had the strangest conversation tonight that went from daily chit chat to empty cold painful words in two seconds flat. That is part of the problem...his words take me off guard....hit me when I"m not looking. Oh God I hurt.
I know you are all here facing similar things..I'm sorry to babble...just so lost tonight. Trying to find a way to keep it together for my kids sake. They need stability and I have to find a way to give that to them.