Hi Distraught

Sexual assault can be a very hard trauma to deal with. It's a violation of every sense of the body & mind, so there are so many parts of her being traumatised. I used to think that it was taking so long for me to get over it, until I found out that there are many women of sexual abuse out there that are still battling demons 30-40 years or more later.

One of the main things I picked up on in your wifes situation, is not only was she violated, but it was done by the very people who are 'meant' to protect us from such things. Her faith & trust must be shot to pieces.

Another is, did she repress it, or did she hide it from you? If she was hiding it from you (which is often the case) then it must have been quite suffocating for her. Once she told you, she could also have felt quite exposed.

I agree with Kerri-Ann, you have to practice a little tough love though. If you feel that you need to help her, put her on an allowance. She may hate you for a while, but it's best for all concerned. If she says she knows she needs help with her demons, then she knows there is a door she needs to open to get help. And no matter who opens the door for her, she ultimately is the one who has to cross the threshold ... and thats a very big step. If her soul is in a very dark place, it can be a long journey to that door too.

But you have to give yourself a little tough love too. I think you should seek out any partners of sexual assault too (there are bound to be groups somewhere in your location). Her demons have become your demons too, and you need help just as much as she does. You also need to be assured that your not alone in feelings that you have, which will help you deal with them better.