Hi Distraught,

Looks like you really are in the thick of it. It is hard being the primary support person of someone with PTSD. I have been doing this now for nearly 5 years and sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing here. You can never really trust what they say while they are going off the rails and usually anything you do will be the wrong thing. 'Tough love' is really the only way to protect yourself, emotionally and every other way. You can't help but love them, but there comes a point when loving them simply is not enough and they need to stand on their own two feet. It is right that you are taking steps to protect your assets, as I have learnt you can't save anyone other than yourself and your first priority has to be to you.

As for the holidays, that is a tough one. Here on the forum, you will find those with PTSD discussing their lack of enthusiasm for the holidays and the anxiety it causes them. I have to admit this really drives me insane, as I am a very family orientated person and we are going home to my family it is difficult for Anthony to muster any real enthusiasm for Xmas. In fact Anthony told me the other day that he just doesn't do Xmas. Of all days of the year, I consider this to be extremely selfish when those with PTSD are having another 'off day' and it dampens the spirit for everyone else. Perhaps you could suggest, that you continue your holidays as you normally would, going to see family but you could shorten the length of your stay. Giving her some kind of structure to the day and a timeframe will help her cope better, if she is willing to go. If she is not, no amount of pushing on your behalf will change her mind. In that case I suggest spending a proportion of the day with her, exchange presents, maybe go out for breakfast or lunch and then going to visit family on your own. If it is important to you, as Xmas is to me, then consider discussing it with her - at least that way you have given her options.

I really am sorry to hear of the extent of your wifes' trauma, she has a tough journey ahead of her and I guess by proxy so do you. Things will get better gradually if she takes medication and seeks treatment. I hope that what she is telling you is true.