I agree when does it become about us? I am not a spouse but have been living and caring for a man with PTSD for 2.5 years. In which time I stopped taking care of myself and now am trying to find myself again. He was beginning to recover (oh so I thought) only to find myself in a really dangerous and scary situation. I got angry and lost my temper and cannot be any good to anyone since I don't know who I am or what to do with me. My life is practically ruined: emotionally, financially, and spiritiually.
I am on the brink of financial ruin, my church turned their back on me (since I wasn't married to him but how could I marry someone with so many problems even if I loved him), and emotionally I can barley keep it together. I did everything for him he has no license so I drove him to and from work every day and to treatement 2 times a week (over an hour each way). I left work early and have become a very mean person. My hair started to turn grey prematurley. I simply don't know what to do or where to turn. Last week he moved out. Because he blames me for everything. Because he has put all of his past life and trying to please those people before trying to acknowldge the person who was emtionally and finacially supporting him. Even he says I was better to him than his family but he still left me after stealing money from me and trying to hurt me. I feel so alone and like my last chance for happieness was taken from me. I did everything to help him and lost myself. I tried to stop enabling him and still got hurt. I cannot stop crying and want to scream at him. But it will only make me look crazy. But now I realize that I am a little crazy after putting up with this. I want to believe he has PTSD but sometimes it seeems like he turns it on and off. He only has episodes when I am trying to enjoy myself or have to leave the house for work. But when he has something he wants to do like see his kid he acts perfectly fine. When one of my friends came to visit for one night he had a breakdown and I just didn't know how to explain to her what was going on. After that I had a breakdown and asked him to leave. I just couldn't take anymore. Now I wonder if he is ok. I want him to recover but I just cannot be the main caregiver anymore. It is endangering my sanity and my life. Thanks for listening. I actually feel better for the first time in 2 years.