Hi. I kind of cut and pasted this a bit from the intro page as I guess you start with your awful story. My husband W, was diagnosed with PTSD in 2005 after blaming his 'issues' on me and the kids for around a year (he is ex-Army). Since we met in '88 he was a funloving, happy, nothing worried him kind of bloke, even if he was always a bit hypo. Came from a loving family. The kids and I had put up with a more and more withdrawn and strange husband/father for a few years before he was diagnosed. He traumatised us severely through 2005 until school recommended that my son (aged 7 then) see a psych at he was suffering 'abused child' symptoms. The psych backed it up and W had to go into counselling with my son....still he would not admit that he had any 'issues' that he needed to work on....it was my son's fault and my fault. I finally confronted him and he broke down and said he didn't know what he wanted anymore....to be on his own or what. I begged him to get help but he wouldn't, saying that it was all due to me and the kids not 'doing' things that we should to keep him happy. We were causing it all his 'issues' and his anger. At this time he was also making the transition from a demanding military career to a new demanding career in emergency services management. Stangely, through everything, he missed not one day of work and continued to portray an efficient, charming and effective work profile while monstering us at home (I was a mess...at least 10 days off work tat year, too distraut t get out of bed). I came from a family filled with emotional abuse, my mother being bipolar and my father a pacifist who dealt with her rage by 'zoning out', and I had specifically chosen W as my partner due to his seemingly 'happy' demeanour. It was like reliving all the demons from by childhood. He then used this against me and told me that I was the 'crazy' one due to my mothers background, when I was distraught at his treatment. After 9 months of pure hell, in 2005 the kids and I (aged 8, 11 and 13 then) left him around Sep 05. I had been getting my own counselling for over a year and had a good support network of friends who had also seen the change in W and helped me feel that I was 'OK' and that he was not. Working full-time in a good job it was no problem for me to set up a home for the kids and I. He finally broke down only after about 3 weeks of being by himself and sought help. He started on meds, got some counselling (2 counsellors and a psych) and I let him move in the the kids and I......on the proviso that 'my' house was a happy and peacful house and he was not to destroy that peace. We decided a few months later (after selling the old 'hateful' house where we had all our fights), to buy a new family home and moved in......a distraction I guess...plus both working full time....not much time to work through any old issues or resentents. He decided to go cold turkey off his meds in Aug 06 and stopped all counselling. I only found out as the weekend he went off them he had an 'aggro' attack at me in a packed pub where we were with friends.....to the point where two men I vaguely knew - a policemen and a prison gaurd - came over to see if I needed protecting. I dragged him to his doctor the next Monday and the doctor made him promise that if I told him that his behaviour was abnormal again he would go back on his meds. However he started to withdraw and get anal/angry again but not as bad as first time. 11 days into our 22 day Christmas holiday 2000km from home (staying with his mother) he threw at me once more that he didn't know what he wants...to be married/father or not.....and blamed everything on the kids and me.....nothing to do with PTSD he says, all his 'issues' are caused by us.....if only I would back him up when he is 'monstering' the kids bacause their rooms are not up to military inspection order......if only I was more loving to him.....everything our fault. This time I asked him to leave, which he did...for a week..then came running back....saying he loves us etc.....I am on a HUGE emotional roller coaster......am going back to my own counsellor next week. When he is good he is the old W I met and loved, but when he is bad he is an angry, nasty monster. After my upbringing I don't know how long I can stay on this roller coaster he has put me on. Am I damaging the kids irrepairably staying with him....or would a break up be worse for them? How much should I take on board and keep trying and trying to be 'who' he wants? At almost 40 I know I have looked after myself physically, I have a good job and financially we are incredibly well set up, with 3 fantastic kids.....but all the feedback I get (as I got at home from my mother), is that I'm not good enough......all comments and support will be greatly appreciated XX