Jen,

I'm so sorry I haven't responded very promptly!

I grieved a lot of things. One of them was the death of my birth father. If he hadn't died, I would still have my mother and my brother. I would probably be living in Korea. Everything went bad after he died. I started to grieve for his death about thirteen years old. That was when all my questions about my past started to creep up on me. I wanted to know why I was so different from my adoptive family and where my artistic talent came from. I wanted to know why I thought the nasty thoughts I did. I truly thought I was just a sicko and that was why.

The grieving that I was talking about in my post was the grieving of a life that never came to be. Grieving is the process of accepting a loss. It's hard to accept loss whether it's a job, a family member, a body part, or a function. We lost our mothers Jen. and it was them themselves that made sure we lost them. It hurts to think that our own mothers would do that to us. For you especially, I feel sorrowful that you were adopted into such horrendous family.

Jen, if it helps you heal, contact your birth mom whatever it takes. It took me several years plus the emergence of memories to forgive my mother for "leaving" us. It does help a tormented heart to finally know why.