Originally Posted by anthony

You feel highly emotional about life at present, even a desire to return to a happier time.

This was spot on.

You feel life is easy and pleasant right now, and that you're progressing without much difficulty.

Not correct at all. Although I try to pretend that this is the case, I am in mental turmoil and things are very difficult.

Your trusting and enjoy intimacy, and pleasure taking your time, though you feel a victim within sexual intimacy, though a part of you is missing.

True again, I always feel like I am the one giving in intimacy, and don't entirely feel comfortbale with it. I used it in my younger days to have power over men in order for them to show me the affection and devotion that I did not get at home. I really did enjoy it once though, now that the trust has gone from my marriage it's like another chore, to make him happy.

You feel depreciated surrounding your support systems, and feel they are worse than they should be, though you are surviving.

The only support systems I now have are a few godd friends who are all interstate. I have some good friends here but none who is as close as my interstate friends. I have no family support on my own side. W's family has been my biggest support for 20 years and now that is gone too, they must side with him.

You demonstrate a poor self esteem, though highly value commitment, even though you feel depreciated from commitment itself, as though you feel used by someone over time.

I feel very used by someone...someone's actaully. Growing up I was the model child, well behaved, A grade student. But nothing was enough for my mother. My father, who was a kind of support when I lived at home (left at 18) basically abandoned me after that. I feel very used by W as I have been the perfect wife for almost 17 years, looked after everything while he pursued his Army dreams, stayed physically attractive, kept the house well, raised 3 great kids, worked full-time. I don't know about the self-esteem, I thought I had good self esteem. Or maybe someone with good self esteem would have said goodbye before now....maybe I have put up with so much as deep down I do have poor self esteem.

Your biggest issue is that you keep your feelings tucked tightly inside, and cannot see any future past your current problems.

Not entirely true. And I can see past my current problems I just know that it will be a long hard road to do the separation thing, or a longer/harder road to go back through the getting him to admit it is ptsd, getting him on meds thing again. It is overwhelming.