This here, I don't quite necessarily relate with in my present. Perhaps true in examples from my past, but certainly not presently.

Unless this intimacy referred to also includes, the longing for mutual friendship, with understanding, confidence, trust and closeness that I would hope to find in a friendship, well then the above is unclear.

As I am not impulsive to get involved intimately & sexually with anyone. Memories and thoughts of past exhilarating sexual experiences are sometimes there, (in my mind) but I personally try not to be to hard on myself for that. Only very, seldom would I fantasize about intim./sexually and hastily getting involved with a real person from the present, but would never dream of outwardly acting upon this. Some married people may understand this.

Guilty of fantasies yes., not that I personally believe there should be any guilt associated with this, as it's so natural. Well at least it is for me. I'm always in need of a good confession and presently struggling to get back to the church. Why? For no other reason than that's where I believe I belong.

I'm asking myself, why am I talking about sex? Well, I like it alot! And, for a little while there I feared I must have gotten more than my fair share when I was younger, (though this isn't true), and feared, now fate would have it, no more for me. And though I considered, I must have been a bad girl, I believed myself miserably cheated bc shortly after a rape, at 19 yrs. old., the intimacy and good sex nearly all came to an end and was replaced with something I'm yet to understand. Much of which I truly believed myself helpless and restrained from choose in the matter and felt threatened and horribly imposed upon.

Back on the subject of intimacy and the present. Husb. and I are always struggling to create time for and with one another, and sometimes finding it. We do Love one another, and so there is much hope, and as far as intimacy it's something that comes most natural at times and then sometimes takes effort and even a struggle.

As life has to be one of the most complicated things to live at times. What with all life's complications and the issues of human beings. And with some human beings, more issues than others.