Hi,

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post replies in here, I hope you don't mind?

I just wanted to say I totally agree with anthony's wise words about forgiveness. For some it helps, for others, it doesn't. The important part here is not whether you forgive him or not, it is doing what feels right for you. Sometimes NOT forgiving is helpful - a sort of reminder that it wasn't, and isn't okay that he did what he did. Sometimes that can allow someone to be angry at the person who is to blame, and that in turn puts the guilt and blame where it belongs.

But I know that guilt is a difficult issue in abuse, and often it is a matter of bouncing backwards and forwards for a while. Children often make sense of things the only way that they can, and this can be that it was caused by them. This is often put there by the abuser, or reinforced, or both. It isn't easy, because it is for some at least, changing a belief/feeling/sense of guilt that has been around often for so long. It takes some work to change that, and readjust to the new way of seeing it - that you were not to blame. But you have said that at times you do know that it wasn't your fault, which means that you are on the right track and have made a big start.

I just wanted to put in some words of encouragement, support and understanding here. Hope that was okay!

Lisa.