All I can say, is that I just re-read most of my last post and gee' whiz' do I ever get down and hard on myself. Have taking care of myself today and have even gone now 3 full days w/o cigg., I've come back up from a low I was experiencing (a rather exhausted and depressive state of mind) prior to this afternoon. This afternoon and this evening were exceptional......freedoms' and a sense of self-esteem and even life force energy........sad to think of what that cigg. addiction is/was doing to me, I'm not in the clear yet, nor may I ever be, entirely in the clear, as I'll need to always no the addiction could sneak up on me again. That's once it's gone of course, presuming it stays gone this time. 3 days, huge for me. Tonight I have hope.

As for what I posted, even though it's all true, bc it is, it seems somewhat exaggerated, in relation to my perception of me implying failure, bc truth is I've suffered most of my life with a distorted self-image and perception. Many others always have told and tell me that I look or I'm doing, or have done really good, or complimented me on much progress or skill, ect. and I just generally have been incapable of seeing what others have seen. In the long distant past, when I had a great deal of self-hatred, I even set out to make them wrong and what I believed about me right.