Good Evening this is The Scottish Broadcasting Corporation with todays news.

Crime.
A woman in Charlestown West Virginia was found dead beside a packet of Cornflakes. The Police are now looking for a Cereal Killer.
Toronto Canada. A man walked into a Pharmacy and stole 10 boxes of Laxatives. Police are hunting a man who has an urgent need to go to the toilet.
In Canberra Australia there was a road accident on the City By-pass as an articulated lorry carrying 25 tonnes of eggs crashed. Police are now treading on Egg Shells trying to look for clues.

General news.
At an award ceremony in Manchester, England, for the best Waitress. The top award went to a Miss Wun Hung Lo, of Coventry who was a Chinese Topless Waitress with one breast.

Bosses at Mick's Conservatory Building Company, awarded a Mr John Wally as Salesman of the year after he sold a Conservatory to a woman living on the 18th floor of a block of flats.

In Hobart, Tasmania. A man was removed by security guards from an Opticians after making a complete spectacle of himself.

In Ironknob, Ontario, Canadian Mountie Cyrrl Plonker was divorced by his wife after taking his horse into bed with him.

Sport
Cricket. In the 2nd test at Lords, England were bowled out by Australia after they bowled out the entire England team. England Captain Jimmy Lostit, said it was a bad result and told his team mates to get a grip of themselves. This caused a lot of pain in the dressing room as team members were gripping parts that they shouldn't have.

Thank you for watching, and Goodnight.