Good Afternoon, here is the News from the Scottish Broadcasting Corporation.

Crime. In Memphis, Tennessee, Thieves broke into a local police station and stole all of the toilets. Detectives say that they have nothing to go on at the moment.

Fort Francis Ontario. Police are looking for a man who stole 10 tons of onions from a truck parked outside the local market. Detectives say that if you see a man who has been crying a lot, please call 911.

Geelong, Australia. At the Australian Sheep Dog Trials. All were found guilty as charged.

Chicago. Tragedy struck when the world's smallest man, Mr Arthur Tiny. When he went to the local Ice Rink to watch an Ice Hockey match, the opposition thought that he was a Puck, and used him during the 2nd half. Arthur scored 5 goals before being taken to hospital suffering from a severe headache.

In Charlestown, West Virgina. Mr Edwin Dickhead, had a large mishap when he went into hospital to get 8 teeth removed. The nurse mistakenly turned the theatre trolly round the wrong way. And Mr Dickhead lost his manhood. Later Mr Dickhead said in a squeeky voice, "I'm taking this to my lawyer". As he pointed to a carrier bag.

In Aberdeen, Scotland. Mr Hamish McTightgit, the world's stingiest man had an accident. He dropped a £1 Coin, bent down to pick it up, and it thumped him on the back of the neck.

Utah. During the World's Hairiest Man's Contest. Mr Ralph Bald was disqualified after judges saw that he was wearing an allover bodywig. Mr Bald complained that he was cold after the judges removed his wig.

Thank you for watching, and good afternoon.