Gosh, its me again. Since this is a diary thing I guess I'm kinda gonna use it like that. Feelin a little overwhelmed right now. Not at anything I've read cause there's nothin I haven't read, heard, saw, or experienced. Well except for the Devil and/or Davie Jones Locker! I'm hoping I can leave my physical symptoms here right now. I feel sick to my stomach, I have a head ache, I'm exhausted, and I still havn't cooked dinner yet or helped my son read and do his homa work or started on the big fat pile of unsorted dirty laundry I have seemingly volcanizing in my laundry room! Why on earth does my silly brain waste so much energy popping up things from childhood and the past when I've got so much to do right now. This is just freakin inconvenient! I'm kind of banging my head right now because staying busy is how I turn off my don't want to feel it, remember it, deal with it or experience it button on my brain's CPU chip! Stupid brain!

I shouldn't do this because if anybody really actually reads my written verbal diareah, of which I'm sure is a bit too much info!, They might be a fearin' to even acknowledge they tackled reading it. I'm sorry. I'm apolojizing to who ever is patient enough to have read this. I'm doing so because I know what my hidden motive was behind saying it. When in all actuality I should just be honest and up front and just say what's on my heart. If anyone has been kind and brave enough to read my junk, when ya catch a moment amid this vast, fast pased, busy, global community, write me a line and just say, "yo, I hear ya, and you are a survivor!" What I was going to share is a secret only God, my sweetie, and my therapist knows, but I feel so stupid, I have to somehow know I'm not some kind of freak! I am so sorry for saying this. I'm probably being a boundary idiot but as of late I've again been having urges to use my hobbie knife to put scratches on my arm underneath my watch. No one can see it but it still makes me feel really rediculous. Its like a drug. It hurts for a few moments and really draws my attention away from my unwanted brain activity. There! I said it! Now that I feel completely rediculous, I'm going to go cook my family some dinner. Man! I'm such an egocentric ditts to actually say all this stuff. Ouch Marilyn! Be nice! That hurt! Little fight back self talk there.
Later,
LOVE to ALL
Marilyn