Don't apologise for being 'long'. I was much longer! Welcome! The emotional deadness you describe is textbook. I took years to understand the separation in the primitive memory between visual and emotional re-enactment. That's how PTSD works, and it's only with the integration of the whole experience that you can begin to file it away as a 'normal' memory. I get 'experience' flashbacks which are terrifying because for a long time I couldn't narrate what was actually happening. Don't pressurise yourself about feeling cold about it. It sounds like you've got good support and professionals who know what they are talking about. It'll hurt when the feelings come back, but that's the key to recovery. I hope you'll gain much insight from this site. I have. Welcome!