Hi Marilyn,

There's a lot in here that I think I can comment on, and I will come back to do that when my head is more coherent itself...

But I wanted to drop by and say hello fellow survivor and add a couple of comments now. You're 'admission' (which I think really goes without saying and is not some kind of 'alterior motive', rather a rightful need), well done for saying how you really feel. Sometimes it's scary admitting things like just wanting to feel less alone and not a 'freak' (which you are not). I want the same. I hear ya darlin', and you are a survivor. And still surviving through the aftermath....

I am also someone who understands well about self-harm. It is under control now (touch wood) but I most definitely understand the urge and need. It is hard NOT doing it, because it means sitting through 'it'. I have found, and still find that hard, but once I sat through it a few times it broke the habitual reaction to go and self-harm, it's now something I have to think carefully about if I really want to do it. There is hope... when you are ready and in the right place, you can start to test what you can tolerate emotionally, and the self-harm urges will eventually reduce.

Your PTSD seems fast-paced at the moment, which must be difficult. Hang in there....

Lisa.