Went to the CBT today, he said now I seem to have a good case of depression going now too as I come off the meds... Not shocked according to him, surprised me. But said he had never seen people respond to the evaluation like I did before, I seem to always surprise the docs for some reason. I am pretty straight forward and lay it all out. He doesn't have to dig. But on a bright note he dropped his fee down and did not charge me today. He made it clear he does not do a sliding scale but wants to help me, and knows I am working hard to get off the meds (don't worry under doctor supervision I am being tapered off. Knew I liked him! He found out I am the only one in the family not insured and cashed out retirement to cover my bills and threapy. Very nice of him. I think he really knows how desperate I am to get through this and be the best I can.

He said he thinks I bottle up too much stress, anger, anxiety blah blah until I get ready to blow and do. As I am trying to not blow up and bite my tounge now it is coming in the form of a panic attack. So now I have to keep yet another journal about when I get upset and how I respond to try and teach me how to handle my anger and frustration and let it out without me (hopefully) have an attack, or me getting to the point of blowing up. Hope he can help!

I have more forms to fill out again, but the fun part is my perception of me and actions on a rating scale along with a spot for others perception, ie a spot for my husbands thoughts to rate on the same questions. So he sees what I think and an objective point of view of someone close.

I don't have to tell hubs to not yell any more, he knows it upsets me and all I have to do is raise my hands and say softly enough OK? He has been working on it so I have to give him credit there. He has been way supportive so I can't complain.