A Poem by me: Marilyn AKA Pseudonym (Seasons Malloney)

No one knows me in those quiet hours,
When I feel unclean and my joy sours.
Like a turtle in my shell with my sharpened toes pressed inward,
I am careful not to move or fear and pain are my reward.
My heart struggles with longing inside me.
I desire warm protection and acceptance that is free.
An infection takes my heart by storm.
Toxic shame begins to form.
The past is now a secret place
That puts itself in my soul’s space.
I pine for a parent to fill the hole
That grows like madness in my soul.
I wish someone would hear my plea
And teach me how to rescue me.
I wish someone could help me see.
The ugly person is not me.

Another poem by Me, Marilyn AKA Pseudonym (Seasons Malloney)

When solemn silence invades the night
And darkness hides the daytime light
My eyes are open to the pain
Of salient dreams my brain’s disdain.
Events from my life form like glaciers of ice.
They fall from the past to present precise.
I can feel and hear them happening now
Like the haunting swish of a willow’s bough.
A large angry hand grabs my face.
Fingernails make a bloody place.
The sting of a fence vine swings with force.
It hits my bear back like a whip on a horse.
A chilling warm breath parts the hair on my head.
The touch that I long for makes me feel dead.
I am struggling because there is no place to go.
Pain grips my heart and seems all I know.
It pulses like madness through my mind.
It makes my eyes reality blind.
But I’ll hold on even though I feel weak.
I’ll not give up on the self that I seek.
Carry me back home mother dear,
Where I lived in constant fear,
Where happy birds sang their flippant song,
Where secrets forgotten still hide the wrong.
On the surface it seems there is peace and still.
But my tormented soul hides a broken will.
The ache inside my broadened mind
May seize me to leave my life behind.
Where is the self that I should see?
Who is the person I should be?
It seems that joy can’t hold together.
Are comfort and peace gone forever?
Can you hear my lonely plea?
Jesus! Please rescue me!
All I ask is for some peace.
I plea to have my strength increase.
So I can feel my own embrace
And know my mind is a safe place.