Angelina Nicole was a beautiful baby. She was not really blue, she was pastey white and when she got sinotic she would get blue around her lower eyes, nail beds, lips and if it ever got too noticable she would have to go to the doctor right away. I am now 18, and have a terrible relationship with my husband. A child that is ill and could die. Pending open heart surgery for her in the coming months. And I go for my 3 month post pardum check up and I am pregnant. Angie had to go to the doctor monthly, echograms, EKG's, and Angiograms. She had to be catheterized twice for a look to see that her heart was holding out.

This is going to sound horrible, but I tryed so hard not to love her too much. It is like being given a puppy that is healthy and one that is going to die. You really try and emotionally disassociate yourself from the sick one to try and protect yourself.

I am now almost to term and Angie's surgery is coming up. I am stressing because I have to be able to sit at the hospital with her and I have to give birth and both are scheduled around the same time. So...they induced out Anthony, my son, so that I could three days later be at the heart hospital with Angie. What a life. So....I go to the hospital with Angie and they are putting her through test after test to be sure she is ready. I would sneak home to see Anthony inbetween. So...the pediatric cardiologist asked me how Anthony's belly button cord was healing. I told him the stump was looking yukky. He admitted him to the hospital so that I would not have to go back and forth. Anthony was on a normal floor, Angie was in the PCU. Well, the day of her surgery came and I was a mess. I prayed so hard. I lit candles in the chapel, I cryed in the bathroom, they sent the hospital shrink after me because I was totally wigging out. 8 hours later her surgery was over and I got to see her. She was swollen. She was again tied down to the bed, she was in a tent. She had chest tubes on both sides coming out from incisions. She had monitors all over her. She had IV in her head, neck, foot. She was asleep and all I could think was would she make it. The doctor told me that the chances were 60/40 against. Well, I could stay with her 15 minutes at a time. So...I was headed up that evening and I saw a whole bunch of doctors over her working. I knew something was wrong and stood frozen about 10 feet outside her door. The pediatric Cardiologist told me that her pressure was dropping and that meant she was bleeding inside. She was headed back to surgery. He said if the bleeding was in front of the heart they would get it stopped and all would be well. If it was behind the heart, he then knocked on the wood handles that lined the hall walls. I was numb. I could'nt cry anymore. I called my family and let them know that it was going bad. Early the next morning about 2 a.m. she came out of surgery and she was alive. I was happy, but it was too soon for any relief.

Well, she bounced back fairly well. I was going to get to take her home. Woo Hoo. Now, I am at home with my family and dealing with an abusive husband, but he was a great father. I mean he loved the kids immensely. He just did not love the mother. Me! A girlfriend of mine that lived in Phoenix asked me if I would like to take a break and go and see her. Well, Nick was all for it, my mother even backed that I needed some rest. So.,..I took a bus and went to Phoenix for 2 weeks vacation. I called home to check on the kids for the first two days and on the third day could not reach Nick. So, I called my mom and she continued to try and reach him. No luck. So, my mom went to my home and called me crying and panicked. The house was empty, the bastard moved in with his mother with the kids. I blew my stack and headed home the next day. Upon arrival I found that he filed for divorce and that he had filed for full custody as he claimed I deserted them. He claimed he did not know that I was going to Phoenix for a break. So...I called the courts and they said that I could explain it during our hearing but for now, I could not have my kids. My dog Oliver was not with Nicky, so I headed for the pound, and yes he had brought him there. Oliver had been adopted. I told them he was my dog, he was AKC whitehead and I had papers. They told me that they would call the lady who had adopted him a few days prior and tell her what had happened. So...I go to pound the next day and met the lady and she had Oliver, she had lost her Old English and just adored Oliver. I knew my life was taking a digger and figured that he would be better off with the lady, I signed his papers over and gave Oliver a life. I cryed my way home. Then my mother tells me that since I had moved out, I was not welcome to stay at her house, my mothers motto. "If you move out, you can never come back". She threw me out. OH well, so I went to a friends to try and figure what to do. I actually had no home. I was homeless. OMG....I am 19 and homeless. Something happened then, don't know what or how to explain it, I went numb. I don't mean numb for a day, hell no, just don't give a rats ass numb.