Kerrie-ann,

Thank you so much for sharing that! I've felt exactly like that for the majority of our relationship. I've been physically sick from all the stress of it too. I've gotten to the point where i'll start a conversation and usually get enough of a conversation out of her to, hopefully, get her to see somewhat of where i'm coming from and get a little out of her so i'm not driving myself totally crazy. It does hurt again and again when i'm pushed away or stomped on when all i'm trying to do is help in anyway i know how, or just be there.

As for them putting thierselves in our shoes, that'd be great, though i sometimes i know she thinks about it. One time she actually opend up some and appologized for the way she'd been treating me, but then she started pushing me away saying i should find someone better for me. I ofcourse denyed that i should go else where and tried to cheer her up some, but it helped a little to think that she does really care. Along the same lines though, I've always been a very emotional person so knowing all she's been through, i've thought many times and tried to mentally put myself in that position to get an idea of what she might feel. Unfortunately it's all theoretical and i cant really share that burden or those memories. But i hope that in doing that, maybe i can help her by not being oblivious to her situation/feelings.

As for the rest, i feel you on that too. She's got 3 kids like i said, and that's a handful. Couple that with housework and working, let's just say i've become much more grumpy at work lol. I broke on the Online-gaming thing though, and joined her in it. I think it helped because now we can be together in the room and talk somewhat, but be elsewhere on the game. Though i feel differently about it, she can, you know? Since then, it's somewhat better, we dont fight nearly as much. Now, the big stresser is her Tubal (dont remember what i shared on that so i'll share again). After her 3rd child she got her tubes tied and since then has had bad cramps, heavy periods, moodswings, along with a plethera of other ailments. I did a little research and it sounded like Post tubal ligation syndrome. Almost all the cases of relief from the symptoms was when the women got thier tubal reversed. So, now we're trying to get it reversed so that she's not in pain all the time. Sadly, she's "allowing" me the pleasure of taking care of it all and when i want or need to talk to her about it (it's a surgery for cryin out loud!), she doesn't want to talk about it! All i can hope is that it'll take one of those feelings of hopelessness and frustration away so maybe she'll look a little at the rest of it. *shrug* We'll see.

Like you though, there've only been a few instances where it felt like a real relationship, i'm just holding on hoping that another such instance will come along and maybe stay awhile. Off to work with me for now though, take care and talk to you later!