Okay, it is fair to say that I suffered unimaginable trauma on the road. But....I am going to jump forward right now for as long as my kids will allow because they are around me right now. I want to tell you what got me off the road.

I was in Ohio and was hitchhiking, I caught a ride with a trucker. He was very quiet and had very distinguishing features. I would never forget him even if he aged 40 years, they were that distinguishing. I have thought of putting this on the private side of this diary, but I am going to go public. So, it is daytime and I am riding with this guy, he is older than me I think, but not by much, he is small in stature. That is as far as I am going with his looks. He is driving a long nose semi pulling a refer. After about 200 miles of riding he starts to talk to me of his wife and son. Evidently his wife was cheating and he feared losing his son and he really hated his wife. We never stopped to eat and I don't remember even stopping to pee, although I am sure we had to of as I was with him into the night. We stopped somewhere in the Pocono's along I80, there were rocks going up on the right side of the road, like it was a interstate cut into a mountain. On the left was a drop off and then you could see the Westbound traffic and then a huge drop off with gorgeous scenery. Trees and pine trees, just wilderness. We exited somewhere there and drove in a cloverleaf around to a road that lead to a little and I mean little ma and pa truckstop. We parked in the very back of the lot, closest to the exit to get on the cloverleaf and get on the highway. He had a cooler that was at my feet. It was old, it had the chrome lid and had diamond shapes cut into it. He asked if I wanted a beer, I declined. The store was closed that was completely across the almost empty lot. Maybe two other trucks were there, but they were parked about 150 ft. away up by the building. Well, I kept smelling almonds, like a burnt almond smell. Had been smelling it all day. he had spray that he would spray the cab of the truck with and his sleeper curtain was zipped on one side as to block any view I would have of the sleeper area. This is odd if you have ever run with truckers. Well, I had to pee, but had no where to go. I got out of the truck and pee'd between the cab and the trailer in the little section by the pig tails. I then returned to the truck, well he had me pass him another beer and another and the more he drank the more he spoke of his wife and how all women are ****s. He got more and more angered it seemed. Well, soon I had what I call "pucker factor" set in and felt that I needed to get away from him. But where? So, I was in for the long haul so I just listened as he ranted and raved. Then he told me to come and sit by him, I said "no, all I am looking for is a ride east". He then grabbed my hair and pulled so hard that clumps fell out. I pulled away and lost alot of hair and felt the pain of it ripping from my scalp. I left the truck and started to walk the clover leaf as fast as I could. It was about 2 a.m. and I was scared to death. The clover leaf had a wall going up of mountainous but steep like a wall black rocks going straight up within inches of the line that was a guide for vehicles on the right. I could hear his engine start. I walked thinking that I needed to make it to the interstate, I could hear his truck release its brake with a distinct "hiss" and then he was coming. he came around the edge of where I was and placed his passenger door blocking my path and said, "get in, I am so sorry, it won't happen again, I was just angry". I knew I had no where to go, he had me cold. So, I pretended I believed his apology and got in. Besides when I had run I left my duffel and my purse and my coat. So, I get in and he picks up speed, and then he rips my hair and tells me that I am a Bitch and started beating my face and tells me to get in the sleeper and wait for him to stop. I reached in the side that was unzipped and felt a ......person, I felt a dead ****ing person. I did not remember that until today, that was the smell that I have pondered on for years and years, it was not decay, it was fresh death. It was air freshener. It was a dead person in the ****ing sleeper. I am going to now make a long story short. I fought. I opened the passenger door and climbed out, yes of a moving semi doing about 80 mph. I hung on to the side bar and prayed that he would not put me and the passenger door into the rocks. He hit the breaks instead and I fell. I fell hard. I remember thinking, get up, get up now. and I got up and I ran, I ran back into the direction that traffic would be coming up from behind us if there was traffic coming. The roads were dead, I remember making it past the trailor and he was there on the other side screaming at me, I kept running. I remember thinking, he could not leave his truck sitting in the middle of the road like that. I am so glad I thought to run back and not forward. I ran and cryed and ran. Another semi did come along and I was bloody. I had no skin on my arms in spots, my knees, face, legs, I hit hard on the cement/asphalt. But....the trucker that picked me up wanted to call the police. I just begged him to go real slow, I knew he was up there waiting and if he saw me God only knows, run us off the road, shoot me in the face. I don't know. But the trucker was kind and crept along. When morning came he brought me to a place and got me a coat. He also doctored my wounds. I was sore so bad, but would not go to the hospital. I felt I was to blame.

Today I have spent hours looking on the internet for killer trucker, the year was 1981 or 82, could be 83. But there is nothing. My mom told me that they called her and found my purse in Indiana. My duffel was found a couple of months later in Ft. Stockton texas in a ditch. He knows my name, or should I say knew my name, it is now different. But....he is still out there. This is my main trauma, and it will not go away.